Adult Friendship Series #1

I saw that there was a lot of love and interest in my post about maintaining friendships, so I decided to elaborate in a post! I had no plans to talk about this in my roster, yet the majority of the women that I have in my life seem to be in the same season. Whether they are losing long term friends, experiencing loneliness from outgrowing their friends, or realizing that their friendships don’t meet their expectations anymore.

I think starting the conversation around this can eliminate the feeling of loneliness amongst us, or feeling like we’re missing out on our “Girl Gang”. As we age, our friendships can change based on our location, life stage/circumstances, or maturity. The friendships that I had in my early and mid 20’s no longer meet the expectations that I have for friendships in my late 20’s and going into my 30’s. AND THAT IS OKAY! Not all connections are meant to be life-long and sometimes we are the friend that no longer meets others’ expectations. Acknowledge it, reflect, and continue to grow.

I looked at my friendships and asked myself when you spend time with this person:

-Do they pour into your cup?

-Do they support your passions?

-Do they hold you accountable and encourage growth?

-Do you find interactions with them to be fulfilling?

These questions allowed me space to process the relationship in its entirety, acknowledge my history with them, and questioned if we could grow in the relationship with each other. This was my first step in determining what type of connections I was looking for and which connections I was ready to let go of.

This year has allowed us all time to reflect on our lives and the relationships we have without the white noise of everyday life. We are yearning for meaningful and true connections with other humans.

Feeling lonely, but not defeated I decided to be in charge of the narrative that my mind was trying to create. I decided to go to try Bumble BFF, which is a friend finder app, and created a profile.

I was able to chat with some other people that were looking for friends as well and reminded me that there are many women that are looking for adult friendships. I met a couple of Bumble BFFs in person, which was not as awkward as you would think.

My first experience, I met with someone that was open, honest, and transparent about who she was, and that allowed me to do the same. I was able to be my authentic self, who I was in this moment. Not the person that I was in high school, college, but who I am growing to be. We discussed the deep stuff, which is just my thing. I’m a therapist, Scorpio, and enneagram 5, so I can only do so much small talk!

As we continued to get to know each other, I began to understand what I valued in a friendship and what qualities I admired in her. I wanted a friendship that was focused on growth, encouragement, accountability, and mutual support. I was no longer looking for relationships that were based on surface-level conversations and the inability to become vulnerable with each other. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a place for those types of friendships/acquaintances, just not in this post.

If you are looking for a genuine connection with others, then this is your sign to start the process. If you want friends as an adult, then you have to be an adult and make it happen. Break the narrative that you are creating in your head, “My friends always leave”, “I don’t need friends”, “I just can’t find people that I connect with”. Challenge the narrative by doing something you can control. Create the life and relationships that you are lingering for.

How have your friendships changed over time? What expectations do you have in friendships?

Let's start the conversation.